Y.A.S (You Ain’t Shit)

“I’m not competing with you. I am trying to prove you wrong,” was my response after our argument. We had moved past the honeymoon stage. The good morning texts and the mid-day check-ins dwindled. My girlfriend’s expectations for our future had grown exponentially, and I wasn’t ready to adapt. All I would hear was constant reminders of my failures, which sounded like different variations of (Y.A.S) you ain’t shit. 


Whether it was personal or professional development, they couldn’t support my wins unless they benefited from them. It’s important to know that you have to protect yourself when you’re dealing with a pessimist. If you’re not strong enough to withstand their negative influences, keep your concerns for someone who can give you hope rather than hear the critique of a dream killer. 


We teach people how we want to be treated based on our tolerance of offence or abuse. It is essential to establish boundaries early and clear indications of what we are comfortable with in the relationship. It’s easy to get distracted in someone’s vision when we don’t have a vision of your own. We need to ask ourselves the questions, “what do we want for ourselves in the relationship?” and “what do we want for ourselves in life?” No one should make that decision for us. 


Signs To Look For

The insecurities our partner projects onto us come in many forms. Our partner will attack our character. They will exploit our mistakes to their friends and family to gain pity. These actions are part of their plan to set us up to be the villain in our partner’s story of why they haven’t lived up to their accomplishments. Our partner will blame you for their debt, insecurities, etc. They don’t think about their issues before this relationship and why they keep following the same patterns.


Our partner won’t show signs of gratitude even when we’ve gone to great lengths to bring them happiness. You’ll find that you will sacrifice dignity for peace. It will happen suddenly in reality, but your partner has planted seeds from the start in actuality. If we do not establish boundaries, we are merely watering the seeds that our partners planted at the expense of our self-esteem. 


It’s common for your insecurities to cause you to stop progressing, but don’t stop progressing because of your insecurities. Don’t let people affect your thought process. Establish your vision for your life yourself, or your partner will establish your life vision. I knew I had a gift for communication and sales, but I didn’t know how to use it or what my outlet would be. Most of the partners I had didn’t care about the job I was doing or how it made me feel. All they cared about was how it was going to affect the stability of our finances. They were more concerned about fewer date nights and more occasional gifts than the success of our future. They would want a house but weren’t willing to sacrifice to get it and would have the nerve to put a time limit on it. 




Once you have your vision and goals set, anything that your partner says should be an addition to your goals. Their plans shouldn’t change your goals or affect the success of your dreams. Remember, relationships are supposed to be a partnership where you support each other’s goals. It’s important to remember to love yourself and your partner enough to tell them the truth regardless of what their emotions are going to be. Sugarcoating is not a good strategy for trying to control your partner’s reaction. You can only control your response to their reaction. 


 Some people have seen your talent and are planning on exploiting it for their gain. Much like “The Jackson Five,” Joe and Katherine Jackson developed their children’s skills and disciplined through abuse. Although not all domestic relationships result in physical abuse, psychological abuse often overlooks why men lie and cheat. There is a lack of compassion for the trying man who doesn’t have it figured out yet. That and a lack of intimacy can lead a man to explore a more patient partner’s possibilities. Your partner may be thinking of tough love, but they are just pushing you further away and creating resentment in actuality.


Some people have concluded about your future based on their assessment of your talents or a projection of preferences. They will look at you today and, based on your potential, determine what you can do for them in the future. They are getting ready to make you into a relationship slave. They will use you until they get all the love out of you because they don’t have enough themselves. 


It doesn’t matter what you spend on gifts or trips. The underlining issue that comes in the form of complaints and insults stems from your partner not feeling enough and pushing on their insecurities on to you. The goals aren’t happening fast enough. They looked at all their exes, and, after all of the failed relationships, they put the pressure on you to make them whole.


Most men will say anything to get sex without thinking of the burden that comes with it. During your single period, my advice is to invest as much as you can into establishing yourself emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically and financially. It’s harder to build when you don’t have a good foundation. It would be best if you were your foundation before you can create with others. 

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